if you happened to see this before i edited, please know that there was a typo, and that that journal will not be in use. sorry.

the new lj is actually:
http://the-troubador.livejournal.com/

so please comment and re-friend if you would. and for those of you who went to the typo one. my thanks for visiting, and my appologies for my own crappy typing. promise, this is the last time.

consequently, who knows how to delete an lj account?

so i have finally done something with my sick days. be still your beating hearts, no, not homework, don't worry. but i did read a book, that wasn't the awakening (thank god), and i really enjoyed it. but i can't help thinking that i should have read this in freshman year, because i think it would have been better then.

about an hour ago i finished reading "the perks of being a wallflower" and i really enjoyed it. i really need to try and read more books, and watch less tv (in my free time i mean).

i woke up today and wondered if there was school, because at 9:30 it was snowing pretty hard, the road was somewhat covered and from my windows it looked like there was a lot of snow. i suppose the fact that no one was here put an end to my wondering, but still, a nice way to wake up.

i know that this weekend might very well be crazy, but i think something big needs to go down soon. we've accomplished so much, we're so close and we need to have a celebration to make it all official. we'll see.


p.s. -to those of you i promised mix cds. they will be late, iTunes decided to hate me lately. my iPod does NOT work properly, and fixing it, or getting a new one is at the top of my musical to do list (perhaps it is second to rehersing Dvorak?).

today was a day to be dealt in hearts. however, i was apparently playing a hand in spades, and trump was hearts. i just bet wrong, or perhaps i just didn't have enough points in my hand. well, enough with the bridge metaphors.



in other news, french today was great. we watched an amazing movie, and mme desmarais was in a good mood. i don't know where she gets these moods of hers, but she really can be quite pleasant when she finds herself amidst a good one.

i'm finally playing something that's not just an orchestra piece, and this is good, because i love dvorak, but after the eighth symphony every weekend, and the nineth from my EE, i'm a bit dvorak'd out. mendehlson on the other hand is great. a tad easy, but that's fine with me for now.

so now that i'm thinking about it, all you music type people out there who want to do a senior solo, ever think of a double concerto/sonata or perhaps a trio? if this sounds cool to you tell me, i'll see what music i can dig up.

umm, something random about my straight hair. it was straight today, and it made me feel like a ninja cause almost no one recognized me in the halls.

i'm not going to end up liking how this sounds. it's going to be agnsty i think, and i really hate that prospect, but for some reason, whatever this is wants to be written down here (i suppose this is why i really got this lj a while back).

i don't really know what this is. it's a sort of, i don't know, fuzz. not a "that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside" fuzz, but hazy, unclear. i feel like i'm kind of walking through my life, on rails. i see what's along the way and it was all painted by a frenchman. he was of an acceptable sort, if you are a fan of art, but i have tired of living in an impressionist painting. things have textures, but they are the wrong ones. there is a blur, a mist and i wish it would leave. i don't know why but i often feel there is an awkwardness, between myself and everyone, even with people i know, even with people i like. who, supposedly, like me.

again, i'm sorry, agnsty/emo crap. yes, yes. i hope it's just a hangover from my extended essay, but i don't know. saddness is too self-conscious. it worries about what other people think, as proof, people like me vent on online blogs, and emo bands make far too much money.

a man once asked me to measure sadness, "how blue am i," he wondered.
so blue it was leaking like ink, but i could hardly tell him that.
"well?" he asked, and flatly at that.
he didn't really care, there was no need for me to hurry my answer.

"why do you want to know, and how should i?"
he sighed and said, "because sadness is so self-aware."
ain't that the truth.

"play for me, and i'll tell you," i said.
and he picked up his horn,
dull with color,
and played me the blues.

twelve bars have never been so lonely,
certainly never so lovely.

i bought the man a drink.

"pick up the harmonica," i instructed him.
"prisoners play the harp, that's an insincere kind of sorrow."
he was right. there were only a few instruments out there right for the job.

"so, how blue am i," he again asked.
"why ask me?" i pressed.
"because we're the same."
oh, right.

this will be short. for starters, i am not longer ill.

CONCERT UPDATES:
the new pornographers and belle and sebastian (on march 5 and 6) are all sold out. damnit!

metric is on a thursday during tok. maybe things can be done, but doubtful.

copeland (on feb. 26) is supposedly playing the 9:30 club but the 9:30 club has nothing about them on the site. wtf.

arctic monkeys! (mar. 27) is not sold out and tickets are $15. i really want to go to this show (so comment if you'll go with me so i can buy tickets).

NEW CONCERTS WHICH MAY CONCERN YOU:

feist is playing the black cat on feb. 8! jibulation!

clap your hands say yeah! are playing the 9:30 club on mar. 8.


comment about these concerts please, as i would like some company for the concerts (and need help deciding which ones to put my money towards).

today was a very good day. english was acceptable (i'm really fond of The Sorrow of War). maya showed me her comic "the adventures of omg man." funniest thing i've read since ever. the entire class was had been talking about sorrow, war, death, and suffering and i was crying i was laughing so hard.

then french. i never have good days in french. ever. and yet, here i am to say that today was a slendid day in french and i am in a state of jibulation over the results of my oral presentation today.

physics was physics.

topics was topics.

after school kate, valerie and i went to kates house and made french toast. it was really quite good. we of course realized that we only had a vague idea of how to make this little treat once at kate's, but we made do. it was quite tasty and fun. mmm.

then tok. i have finally become completely baffled by numbers. to make a long story short, tomorrow i think i'm going to try and prove that negative numbers don't exist to mrs. greenblum. i'll let you know how it turns out. either way, i plan to ask how two dimensions can exist within one dimension. clearly this is way over my head, but that damned tok documentary got me thinking and it's really bothering me. mrs. greenblum better be ready for my crazed questions tomorrow.

after tok, tenzin, tishan, howard and i drove over to chipotle (after much indecision) and had delicious burritos. mmm, food. we encountered litic there as well and it soon became quite the party. a bunch of asians/indians and me. sounds like a sitcom. it could have been. there were stories about people who simply should never speak again, racist comedians who are absolutely hilarious, howard's theory on the lack of relationships at marshall, and so much more. it was truly a symposium.

well, i'm gonna go do my physics lab and go to bed. for those of you thrifty people out there, i will be working at clocktower tomorrow, so come and visit me. it'll be good times. later.

it's not so much jumping on the bandwagon, as it is shameless procrastination. also, after an all nighter, i am very, very open to suggestion. why is it that i don't get taken advantage of? damnit, i just can't win.

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well all, it's late. i'm maybe two paragraphs away from done with my tok essay. what's better than that is that i'm actually proud of it. i really think i did a pretty good job on this one. hopefully mr. boutchard will agree. hopefully the bastards at IB will agree.

but really, i think its time i shared what i wanted to.

for those of you who don't know, i turn 18 on march 15. i am excited about this. but why am i so excited now? i'll tell you. GOD (yes the one and only GOD whose very existance i've questioned many times before) has given me an early gift that is like unto immortality (or whatever else is cliche and desirable). that gift was this, an onslaught of rock:
march 5 and 6: belle and sebastian, and the new pornographers - 9:30 club
march 27: the arctic monkeys - 9:30 club

also metric is playing 9:30 but i don't know when.

so yeah, you rock god. you rock. HARD. if you're a dj, you're a pretty damn good one.

i will basically be a hobo after march because i plan to see all those conerts, but i am perfectly ok with that. but then, i don't want to go alone (that's emo, and none of these bands are). so who wants to see some of these shows with me?

not since the death of ceasar, has march been so epic.

p.s. to those of you whom i have already IMed about these concerts, i'm sorry for being all "OMG, OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!blah blah CAPS LOCK blah blah...i sound like a thirteen year old girl obsessed with a boy band" but such is the kickassitude of what is to come. life fulfilling conerts. yay! ^_^

today i went back to tae kwon do for the first time since the end of june. i hurt so bad. i have lost any semblence of flexibility and stanmina that i once had. hopefully the schedule i've chosen will put me on a fast track to getting those things back.

and in other news:
tok essay
reading log
sorrow of war.

is it me, or do they plan it this way?

hmm...
i have been having random thoughts pop into my head lately. but i haven't started walking around with a notepad. yet. but soon i will. until then, i will try and keep track of certain things in here.

i was walking today
and my mind whispered to me
tales of shoulders
kissing,
shoes talking,

and then there was quiet.

and so my mind told me
"it's all just attraction"
so i resolved to fortify myself

i need iron skin
or a steel heart.

children play with magnets
to learn these valuable life lessons.




so yeah, transitions. but finally, there is something in my head again. somethings even. this seems frost-esque now. "something" FOR ONCE! but i do digress.

digress is most likely spelled wrong.

yesterday i had a rather emo day at school. couldn't seem to exist without annoying people. i'll stop there.

after school it was maya time. before we drove off to the thrift store there was a crisis. ali rudel couldn't find her cell phone. it was sad, we tried to help, but to no avail. as a reward we were given many tasty starbucks leftover. mmm.

at the thrift store i took a bunch of donations, gave recepts, and then hurled heavy garbage bags full of clothes into storage. twas fun. maya and i goofed around, and eventually, ali visited us at the store. all very exciting i assure you.

after we left, and i got home, i got very sick very quick. i am still sick, and it is just craptastic. i wanted to go out and do christmas shopping for family and friends alike today, and instead i'm am stuck at home with a fever, a headache, and a box of tissues.

the upside, grilled cheese for lunch. tis' a sick child's food, and oh so good.
hot chocolate. even better when you've got the chills.
mixes. well, i might as well get something done. i must say, i am facing quite a dilema, i can never choose which song to cut out of a mix, they are all so good.

now it is time for more pills.



p.s. - if you can breathe at all, i invite you over here to kiss my ass.

i haven't done a real entry in a while. for starters i am still super excited about oberlin. that out of the way, i think it's time to talk about other things, like the fact that it "tis the season" and what not. well i plan to enjoy the season somehow, and i would very much like to enjoy it with close friends. i have heard many rumors of parties but no real solid plans, so please tell me if there are parties/plans/whatever about.

anyway, i'm excited because i shouldn't have much homework until break, which is quite the pleasant change from the hellish week i had just before. even with delays and snow days i was miserable. group 4, english...yadda yadda yadda, complain whine bitch. moving on.

today in english i made a reference to a certain movie, the dead poets society. i don't know if dr. castaldo hasn't seen it or not, but she was talking about her professor who taught a class on whitman, and i just thought, and asked, did he ever say, "you may call me two things in this class, mr. keating, or, if you are slightly more daring, oh captin, my captin." the answer was no. well, brett and i enjoyed it. it is always nice to know that there are people in my english class who get me.

on a more musical note...hah hah, see that, that was a pun, and a real groaner too. anyway, i had a cello leson today, and it was spectacular. my teacher gave me a big hug for oberlin, and then we sat down and got to work on dvorak's eighth symphony (the old number four, opus 88). it is all about the cello, and i couldn't be happier. my favorite composer, my instrument, my orchestra...my kinda music. oh but damned if it isn't hard. i will be requesting that everyone go to the concert when i play this, it's over spring break i think, so please, keep an ear out for that.

my teacher and i also talked a little about more modern music. i spotted a ben folds five CD in the practice room, and we discussed them. the discussion moved towards rufus wainwright. "ughh, detestable, i heard him pre-rehab. it was horrible. on top of that, he played...bolero." i tried to convince her to listen to him again, and i think she might, but i had no idea he ever played bolero...that's like a cardinal sin, just, just no. but it's ok (livia, amrit, others) i am still a fan, just, well, i'm glad he's redeeming himself.

i'll make this short and sweet.

i probably won't be able to finish all the mixes this weekend, but i swear, i really am going to give them to you guys.

catherine's birthday was awesome. chilling with everyone, foosball with michelle, cake with catherine, music and other things with maya and michelle afterwards. all very nice, but then, i'm a bit droozy at the moment.

finally the bulk of the entry, it also is quite simple and short. i received a letter from a certain college. it read:

"Congrats! You're in!"
so i suppose i shall be attending my first choice college, oberlin. um, yeah, like FUCK YEAH!

so i'm writing my extended essay. we'll just skip over how i'm not going to have a near final draft done by tomorrow and how mr. baldwin still hasn't told me anything to help me.

cut to tomorrow when i have to do a lot of physics, french and my oral commentary for homework. then look ahead to thursday for group 4. oh yay! my week will be funerific. where by that i mean, i will be dead come friday, just in time for the concert that weekend i have to play in.

good gracious, didn't i used to do fun things?


if i had to do it all over again, i wonder if i'd still do the diploma?

how do they know me? ex kgb opperatives are following me. it's not safe...they totally have my number:

ipod is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

today was a lovely day. the amnesty bake sale was quite the success. we made a lot of money, we all got more than enough wonderful baked goods to make us happy for the rest of the day (this was not my reason, but it helped) and we got to hang out with friends for quite some time. livia and i walked around afterwards selling the leftovers...that was exhausted eventually, but still, a huge success. also, now everyone in amnesty international knows a little about why i so loathe my orchestra teacher. i can't wait to hear her in class tomorrow. i'm sure i shall be rediculed...whatever, it's an every class occurance anyway. i've learned to tune her out, her stupidity is contageous i'm afraid.

then off to clock tower for thrifty service hours. i found a lot of items which caused me to laugh, and then maya showed up and we had a grand time of it. i got a pair of gloves and a phish cd, so it was well. i realized today that i only pay an eighth of the regular cost of everything in the thrift store (meaning the gloves and the cd set me back a whole dollar).

maya and i realized in my car that neither of us had any homework, so we decided to have a little adventure. it consisted mainly of me taking backroads most people don't know exist to get to seven corners, and then more backroads home. we stopped at a hole in the wall, which is the coolest shop i've ever laid eyes upon. walls and walls of nothing but books and a few records. then there's the floors, which is covered with even more books. maya and i found the poetry section and read excerpts from most authors we could find. i opened longfellow's complete works expecting to find a lovely little world of verse and instead found flowers. pressed between pages 300 and something and the adjacent, it was the most interresting part of the book. similar was tennyson. both dullards. all they do is rhyme in a very middle school way, couplets couplets...my kingdom for some internal rhyme, some varied verse for the love of god, and let's not even get started on the predictability of their shallow schemes. maya and i made a game of picking the rhyming words.

i just now have started to appriciate how much IB has exposed me too. joyce along gave me a whole list of things to look for in that lovely hovel of a store. he gave me byron and warned me about tennyson. frost (whose works i have in full) advised maya to look to keats, and mary shelly had good taste in men. i ended up not buying a book of poetry, but a novel. it is somewhat like a room with a view, perhaps told by joyce from what i have read. at least that's what i got, but i only read tidbits so far. i spotted a true prize, which resides with maya.

a comic book: EMO BOY. yes i'm for real and it is wonderfully entertaining. maya and i laughed at the sixties type store, lusted after their books, and chatted with the most likely very stoned man who works behind the counter. "why on earth are you two buying these 'bad' books? i didn't know kids these days read!" and an explaination of IB later we were back at our homes.

i for one ended up cleaning my room. for those of you who have been inside it before, i would like you to know two things. (1) i have a floor; (2) i have a blue rug. i can actually see my floor and i have a very tidey desk. at the moment i am on my second hand iBook (curtousey of my uncle, yay early christmas gifts) enjoying the greatness that is a firewire connection. but now, i think since i'm still just a bit wired, i shall read myself to sleep with "the moon and sixpence."

for those of you who read questionable content, which is basically as addictive as the OC in webcomic form (only entertaining, funny, witty...and for the literate), you should all know that i am very aggrivated right now. part of the reason i procrastinated on hw tonight was so that i'd have something to do while i waited for tonight's strip. it was disappointing on many levels; a huge let down for me, so attached am i. however, there is hope. sofia and i were talking about it earlier, and we agreed: dora > faye. so there's that.

well, that's it for my esoteric semi-rant on a webcomic a good deal of you probably don't read, but it really was my reason for being conscious at the moment, and it really pissed me off.

but really, another reason why i'm pissed, i still have work to do, cause i had this brilliant plan. way to go me. i am a moron. hail to me.



also an update, comment if you download the radiohead mix, and give me a shout as to how it is. i'm pretty sure it's good, i mean i love it. but this is radiohead, and there's so very much to love about them, if i didn't capture something about them that you like, be sure to comment so i can look into it. i always enjoy that.

well, i must be going, i looks like the fiery furnaces download is freezing, just to make life better.

to those of you who i promised mixes to, i am sorry. i have been held up by school work and other such crap. i will make your mixes as promised, but i will require some additional time.

in the mean time, if you go here:

http://s46.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2C1BBYU3NBBR7350CIGYEVASRE

you will find a very good radiohead mix. it is quite good and very comprehensive. although i am missing hail to the thief, i think any and all radiohead fans out there will agree, i did a very good job on this one.

because my computer is stupid, the tracks are not longer in the order that i very carefully selected. here is the correct order, i would advise listening to it in said order:

1. I Might Be Wrong
2. Bones
3. Anyone Can Play Guitar
4. The Bends
5. Paranoid Android
6. Morning Bell
7. Karma Police
8. Ripcord
9. Just
10. Pyramid Song
11. Fake Plastic Trees
12. Creep
13. Packt Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Box
14. Electioneering
15. Idioteque
16. Knives Out
17. My Iron Lung
18. Climbing up The Walls
19. Motion Picture Soundtrack


yes i probably should have used a cut, but i don't really know how to do a cut, so here we are. for those of you who may have heard farace today claim coldplay to be superior to radiohead...well, farace is cool, and he does have pretty good taste sometimes, and he is always entitled to his opionion...here's the breakdown, though: coldplay good; radiohead god.
radiohead > coldplay

it was the first snow of the year. the little ones outside where darting about, fascinated by every frozen puddle and each handful of sparkling powder. their darting was so vigorous snow was soon slush, and i could hear them slipping as they splashed with a slosh. from just above they watched; their rounder, older, counter-parts. they were far from excited (but O! how exciting it must have been to be them, the hatchlings in their first snow). but the adults just started blankly, as if they were in thought somewhere deep within their plump selves. perhaps they were wondering why they were here and not in the tropics. hadn't that been the plan?

the were close, but not too close. was it politically correct, how close they were? they seemed extra-puffed up for warmth, and, apart though they were, there was a highly advertised nonexistant decree that no one get between them. perhaps the would have held each other were it not so cold, or perhaps they were simply too taken with their puddle-jumping youngsters.

it didn't seem right to me that they were still here, with a heavy snow falling, but i suppose some just like the cold.

suddenly, as if my thoughts were made audible, they all perked up. though the hatchlings had always known it was snowing (and O! how they were wonderfully aware, they were blue with knowledge) their plumper caretakers had not realized. an icy glove had broken their trance. with authority they gathered the children, and then, all at once, they took off into the gray sky.



so it snowed for a few days up in ohio, and that was very nice. it didn't stick around, but it was still nice. what was nicer, i didn't have to drive in it. lucked out.